Sometimes I like to sit in my garden and think about what it would be like to be a reflexologist. I think it would be relaxing. Massaging feet all day, helping people cure their various diseases, having a chat, etc etc. You couldn't really fault it as a money earner, even if you are a non-believer in reflexology.
Not that I am, of course. I know reflexology works - it'be crazy if it didn't. Reflexology is almose likt having the most awesome superpower known to man, except everyone can do, even people who aren't magical. Imagine being able to (theoretically) eliminate disease and famine from the world, just by rubbing and poking people on the feet.
Sounds too good to be true? Of course it does. That's because reflexology IS too good to be true, yet it somehow ALSO true. Mind blow? It's like how the cat can be alive and dead in the box at the same time, except with healing foot massage instead of scientifiy proof and theorems.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
WHEN SHOULD I USE REFLEXOLOGY ON MY BABY
Sometimes people ask about doing reflexology for babies and I always say go for it it's not going to do any harm except for maybe hurting the baby's foot but that's nothing major considering you're basically protecting them from a lifetime of disease and illness and they probably won't remember that you gave them reflexology anyway but you have to be extra careful because baby feet are small compared to regular feet so you have to be sure you are pressing the right bit in order to help their magical qi flow around the body.
As a reflexologist I know all about these kind of things and here's an example of how it works, I met a baby once and he had some sort of problem with his lungs like I think he had fluid in them or something and so I told the mother to let me fix him rather than those dumb doctors. So I gave the baby a foot massage and I was very careful to target the right bits of his qi using my reflexology chart and after a few days of treatment the baby got really poorly and so the mother took him to the doctor and when he came back he was fixed and I think it must have been because of the reflexology because those doctors never fix anything. He was probably just flushing out his toxins or something which is why it took a while.
Toxins collect in everyone's body all the time, you've probably got some in yours right now. Not lots but some. Toxins are made of free radical atoms and things like that, I dunno. Anyway they build up in your body and make you get sick, and reflexology helps get rid of them!
As a reflexologist I know all about these kind of things and here's an example of how it works, I met a baby once and he had some sort of problem with his lungs like I think he had fluid in them or something and so I told the mother to let me fix him rather than those dumb doctors. So I gave the baby a foot massage and I was very careful to target the right bits of his qi using my reflexology chart and after a few days of treatment the baby got really poorly and so the mother took him to the doctor and when he came back he was fixed and I think it must have been because of the reflexology because those doctors never fix anything. He was probably just flushing out his toxins or something which is why it took a while.
Toxins collect in everyone's body all the time, you've probably got some in yours right now. Not lots but some. Toxins are made of free radical atoms and things like that, I dunno. Anyway they build up in your body and make you get sick, and reflexology helps get rid of them!
How to Cure Cancer With Reflexology
Some people say that you can't cure diseases with reflexology and that there is no proof for its existence at all. But those people are crazy! There's plenty of things with no proof which people believe in, and are you trying to say that THEY'RE ALL CRAZY? Like tooth fairies, father christmas, flying saucers, little green men, etc etc etc. I think you'll find that reflexology foot massage is a lot less crazy than those, HA! Foot massage can CURE DISEASES like CANCER or AIDS or DIABETES and it does it just through simply poking the foot in the right places and trying to help your qi flow about your body.
What is qi, I hear you ask, well it's what us reflexologists call the energy that flows around your body. Now I know some of you are thinking that qi isn't real but it is, just look in any science book to find out. It's kinda glowy and sparky like electricity and it smells like burnt toast. Anyway our bodies are full of this qi and it's all clogged up and stuff and that's why we get diseases and death. Imagine your body is like a bicycle's inner tube and qi is like air. Well reflexology prods the inner tube so that the air can work better and help heal disease! Obviously!
There are lots of people who say that reflexology is dumb but really they're the dumb ones because it's not! You can cure cancer with reflexology just by pushing on the feet really hard, because cancer is especially lumpy qi. Like porridge, so it needs a lot of squishing to make it flow more better. :)
What is qi, I hear you ask, well it's what us reflexologists call the energy that flows around your body. Now I know some of you are thinking that qi isn't real but it is, just look in any science book to find out. It's kinda glowy and sparky like electricity and it smells like burnt toast. Anyway our bodies are full of this qi and it's all clogged up and stuff and that's why we get diseases and death. Imagine your body is like a bicycle's inner tube and qi is like air. Well reflexology prods the inner tube so that the air can work better and help heal disease! Obviously!
There are lots of people who say that reflexology is dumb but really they're the dumb ones because it's not! You can cure cancer with reflexology just by pushing on the feet really hard, because cancer is especially lumpy qi. Like porridge, so it needs a lot of squishing to make it flow more better. :)
Why Reflexology is Real
Reflexology is totally real and brilliant, it uses magical foot massages to help your mystical energy flow better around your feet or something. I'm a reflexologist so I know what I'm talking about. It's something to do with ancient China or something. Everyone knows that traditional Chinese medicine is completely legit, like putting needles in your ears and eating ground-up sharks fins to make your feet grow or something like that. Chinese medicine cures all sorts of things that Western medicine can't, like asthma and cancer and AIDs and death. Reflexology is just like that. If you don't believe that professional reflexologists are real then you must be insane! Because they totally are. :)
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